my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
