The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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