It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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