I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
