there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
