im drinking this country out of the recession.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
