Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
send nudes
from the living room?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize