never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
