Cold hands, warm shart.
look no pants
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
