Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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