He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
