I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
