Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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