I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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