Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
