sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
