So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
