I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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