You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
