The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
