can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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