omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
where are my eyebrows?
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