Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
