Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My pussy is not your playground.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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