If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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