Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
