even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We left the knife in your bed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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