a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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