And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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