ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize