No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
