I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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