Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
