found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
