Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
