I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
