#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize