sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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