question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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