hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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