I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
