I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
