At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
