piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
