you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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