my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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