6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
