No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Randomize
