I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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