she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
