Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I did not marry a roomba.
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