Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
