There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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