her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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