nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
