I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
