So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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