Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
