Are we in a gay sports bar?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
