And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
