An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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