ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
