dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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