I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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