Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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