Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
