Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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