dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
