I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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