My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
