First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
