it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize