The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
