i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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