I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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