Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
