When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
