Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They have beer where we have blood.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
