He is an equal opportunity slut.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
