Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
