Pappa wants mamma naked
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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