So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
