my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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