It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
