I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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