You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
