Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
