Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just googled if crying burns calories
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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