I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize