If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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