while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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