He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
