He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
