put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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