I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
