glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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