Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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