i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
