We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
