i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
