I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
