They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
