How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
