Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
