remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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