seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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