Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
