Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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