The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
